beauty in descent

Fall is a stepping-down time of year. I always picture it as a spiral staircase, twisting, matching the flight of leaves twirling down and down. I never think of just moving from summer through fall in to winter, it's always a descent for me. Out of daylight into the darkness of winter evenings, from the warmth of the sun to the places where warmth comes in layers. Each year I willingly walk the path, and even while I am letting go of summer, stepping down into this chilly dark, I am in awe of the beauty of the descent.

The other day I looked out my office window and the sky was a pale shade of gray. But there, just in front of it were the most beautiful crimson leaves. Red leaves on a pale gray sky -- it could have been a painting. It probably should have been. My grandfather could have done it justice, but I did not inherit his skill.

Transitions are tricky things. Rosamunde Pilcher wrote that the trouble with transitions is that you can feel the edges of two worlds bumping up against each other. I think she's right. In either world, the world feels infinite, but in the transition you feel where things end and where they begin and that cane be scary. A friend of mine compares is to stepping into a boat. Even when you know the vessel is sea-worthy, stepping into causes movement and that little sway ripples doubt through an otherwise steady spirit.

To celebrate Fall and the beauty of this season I baked cookies with Shannon & Kendra and the girls. The hard shell cookie class we took last year is still coming in handy. One little technique, easily mastered and suddenly so many options exist. There's a lesson in that. But for now, here are the cookies:
It was particularly satisfying to have an idea work out just exactly the way I hoped it would. I thought the leaves might work out and they did. The candy corn were Kendra's idea -- a brilliant one -- and we didn't let a lack of cookie cutter get in the way. Why did it never occur to me that you can just cut shapes out by hand? New and interesting cookies may be on the horizon.

It is time to go back to the water, I can feel it. It's been a couple of weeks which is far too long. I need to finish the mediocre book I'm languishing in (or give up on it entirely), find something truly delicious to take its place and head for open water to commune. All I need is a hot coffee and warm blanket. I won't miss the sun.

cali-cali-fornia! (part 1)

More than a year ago Amanda decided that when it was time for her grad trip she wanted to go back to Disneyland. And, being the wise young woman she is -- she's graduated now you know, she gets to make her own choices -- she invited us Aunties along. Never say no to southern California and Disneyland, especially when the company is as fine as this. Gord, Shannon, Amanda, Nicole, Tracy, Chrisaleen, Kendra and I headed south for some fun in the sun and boy did we ever.


To me, So Cal will always be blue skies and palm trees. I don't know why I love the palm trees so much, but every time I come to California, they make me smile. The weather was just over a hundred degrees the whole time we were there and the skies were so clear and blue it was like God filled them in with a Crayola crayon. I am convinced that the sunshine is sunnier in California. You cannot convince me otherwise.

The first day we headed straight to the Magic Kingdom. Just inside the gates there is a Mickey made of flowers and if you read the fine print on your ticket you'll see that you and your party are contractually obligated to pose in front of it. (It must be on the tickets, EVERYONE does it.) So here we are (well all of us except for Gord who was playing photographer as usual.)
This was taken several days later, but as you can see, the sky is still that beautiful, cerulean blue. And yes, see we really were in Disneyland. This time around the Sleeping Beauty rooms in the castle itself were open. Kendra was thrilled to learn that she was not crazy as last time we were here she was sure she had seen them before but the castle was locked up tight. Yeah for sanity :)


Disneyland, as you know, is the happiest place on earth. I wonder if they put magical herbs in the air because people really do seem to be in a good mood. (Except for the occasional screaming child star-fished on the pavement, but we won't speak of that.) Even grown-up feel the need to put on silly mouse ears and pose for pictures. Kendra ended up buying the sparkly ones I'm wearing and I might, possibly have borrowed them while she was off riding California Screaming ie the scariest looking coaster of ALL TIME.

In addition to ears there is a general cuteness pretty much everywhere you look. As evidence, I give you People's Exhibit A. COME ON, it's a candy apple shaped like Micky Mouse?! You can't make this stuff up. It was delicious - layers of caramel and chocolate and crazy red sugar-sprinkles that got absolutely everywhere. Fortunately, I wasn't planning to impress anyone on this trip anyway. The mess was so completely worth it.


We laughed, pretty much non-stop the entire time. In my books that's the hallmark of an excellent trip. I have more pics and more details but they will have to wait until another day. I will say this -- while everyone else was waving trying to get people's attention we threw up ostriches and lamas. And yes, I have pictures :)

this is not a recommendation

I just finished reading Stieg Larsson's acclaimed The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I wish I could recommend it. Larsson's book, the first of a trilogy, is currently enjoying a ride on the New York Times' bestsellers list. I love me a NYT book, but this one really should have come with a warning.

The book starts well. It's a Swedish novel, and I haven't read a lot of Swedish fiction. I was stoked to try something new. (I'm quite sure I butchered the street names in my head.) Also it's a brick of a book -- a good few inches that promised to sit and stay for a while. The story centers around a few main characters -- a financial journalist, a gifted hacker and the missing daughter of the esteemed Vanger empire. It could have been a fantastic story, it should have been a great story. But about a third of the way through the book the story takes a deeply disturbing turn.

For me, I was already invested enough into the book that I read through to the end. Perhaps I can save you from the same fate. There is nothing on the back cover that suggests what is lurking inside this book. It is dark and violent and I disagree with the author that it was necessary. I think he could have told the story without it and I so wish that he had. There are two more books in the series which I will, sadly, have to leave on the shelf at Chapters. If you're looking a great book to take you into the cooler days of Fall, I recommend that you keep looking. Sadly, the good in this book is far outweighed by the ewww.

I’m with the band

Something magical has happened and I got to witness it firsthand. Last week, 234 perfect strangers raised $14 778 to buy 42 band instruments for students they had never met. They did it gladly. They did it in just six days. And I got to be one of them. This is the story of how it happened.

Anyone who has been on my blog recently knows I am an Adam Lambert fan. I'll own that proudly. I think his voice and his talent are otherworldly and I will be among the hoards clamoring for his album when it drops in November. A few weeks ago Adam asked his fans to stop buying him presents. He asked instead that any gifts be sent to DonorsChoose.org particularly for projects dealing with the arts. In the first week $12 000 was raised. Shortly after, realizing that fans were actually paying attention, he started a contest challenging the various fan groups to compete to see who could raise the most money in 30 days. It has been about a week and half so far and $73 876 has come in on top of the original $12K.

As part of the contest, for probably the first time ever, all the fan groups decided to focus on one, huge request. (This never happens. As a rule, fan groups, while united in their love of a given artist, hate each other. Don't ask me why.) A teacher in Washington state wanted to offer band to her students, but they had no instruments at all. Back in March she put in a request for $14 778 to buy flutes, clarinets, trumpets, trombones and the xylophones you use in marching bands. Up until a couple of weeks ago, less than $1 000 had been raised in 5 months. The project had a deadline of September 1st. We beat it by three days. All of us together did something that none of us could have dreamed of alone. We created a music program.

There comes a moment, a tipping point where the impossible becomes possible. There's a moment where the truth of what is going to happen is irresistible and it moves, like an oyster slips from the shell -- unstoppable, fluid and smooth, like destiny. A few weeks ago this wasn’t going to happen. It was too big, too much. When I came to donate I remember looking at the band request and hesitating. There was more than $10 000 left to raise and less than two weeks to do it in. “What’s the point?” I wondered. "It’s not going to complete and there are other projects that will." But I took a step of faith. I choose to believe that maybe, all of us together could do something magical. And now here were are. There is band where before there was only an empty closet.

One donor wrote, "In life, it's that one extra degree of effort that separates the good from the great. At 99 degrees, water is hot. At 100 degrees, it boils. And with boiling water comes steam. And steam can power a locomotive. The one extra degree makes all the difference." There is a lot of truth in those words. I wish I could be there to see the looks on the student's faces when their teacher tells them that they can take band this year. I hope she posts pictures.

I remember my own experience with band. I remember we had a whole wall of instruments, with cubies stacked so high you needed a ladder to get to some of them. I remember taking a flute home that first day, and clumsy fingers on slippery silver keys. I remember pressing down, breathing deep, concentrating and...... E flat. A beginning. The first step on a long musical journey. High school was not a welcoming place for me, but in band, I had a place. I practiced and I was pretty good. My fingers did what I asked them to, my breath was sure. In band I could add my note to the chorus and not be rejected for it.

Music is only the very first benefit of music education. There's discipline and celebration, a sense of belonging and a chance to be on a team, to be part of something even if you can't run very fast. Music teaches patience and an appreciation of beauty and the ability to wait for a reward delayed. Music calls forth dreams. I am so proud to know that these kids will get to experience some of what I experienced and that I could make what was a common experience for me, a common experience for them.

I am very happy to be able to say, I'm with the band.


There are a lot of other kids who can use your help. If you haven't heard of DonorsChoose.org before now, go and check them out. They are a charity out of the US they have a brilliantly simple strategy. Teachers post specific requests for what they need -- anything from band instruments to pencils (yes, right now there are teachers requesting pencils) and donors donate to a specific project. DonorsChoose collects the funds, orders and delivers the supplies and the teachers post their thank you notes online where all the donors can see them, often with photos of thank you signs from the kids. So far, Adam Lambert fans have fully funded 70 projects. We've bought books, theater lights, costumes, a Jazz curriculum, instruments and yes pencils. There's plenty more to do if you want . to get in on this. Trust me, it feels pretty fantastic.

my soul as a chosen landscape

I've always known that I'm named for a piece of music. Charles Debussy's Clair de Lune is my mother's favorite and that's where my name comes from. I've listened to that piece my whole life. (You can listen to it here.) I own four or five different recordings of it. I think it's haunting and beautiful and have always been pleased she like that song, and not, say something from the Backstreet Boys. But this weekend I found out there's a lot more to it.

For some reason, I never realized that Clair de Lune, which means "moonlight", is the third movement of a larger work. In 33 years, I had never heard of Debussy's Suite Bergamasque. There are three more courses of this piece of music I have always loved so much. It's a little like discovering that your favorite book has a prequel you didn't know about. What a treat.

And amazingly, there is even more, dessert if you will. Debussy based the third movement of his Suite, the famous Clair de Lune, on a poem by French poet Paul Verlaine. He even borrowed Paul's title. The poem, not surprisingly, is in French (you can hear it read aloud, as poetry should be here) and has been translated as this:

Claire de Lune
by Paul Verlaine (1844 – 1896)

Your soul is a chosen landscape
Where charming masked and costumed figures go
Playing the lute and dancing and almost
Sad beneath their fantastic disguises.

All sing in a minor key
Of all-conquering love and careless fortune
They do not seem to believe in their happiness
And their song mingles with the moonlight.

The still moonlight, sad and beautiful,
Which gives the birds to dream in the trees
And makes the fountain sprays sob in ecstasy,
The tall, slender fountain sprays among the marble statues.

I find it rather beautiful. I love that the characters in the poem do let even their sadness stop their dancing.

For the first time in a long time, I found a poem running through my own head and scurried to write it down before it ran away. Art brings forth life, which in turn, if we're lucky, gives us more art -- whole new world of undiscovered countries and chosen landscapes.

The sad song is a realist
Who dances, even while doubting the happiness
Who dances in the sad light
And wears a mask so fantastic that all sorrows are forgotten.

The sad song dances because it has known happiness
So indescribable that even the memory of it alone
Is enough to stir the body
And feet refuse to stand still
But give in to the loveliness of what is now.

The dance is a choice
A gift
A painting
Too beautiful to be cast aside by a little sorrow.
The dancer moves, light and sorrow
Beauty and memory and
Finds happiness again
In the ethereal sad light.
~cc

a joy forever

As Keats told us, "a thing of beauty is a joy forever". At this rate, it looks like I'm going to be happy for a long, long time.

Beauty is. . .
a stunning orchid for my room. I have decided that all bedrooms should contain fresh orchids. They are impossibly beautiful, laws of gravity-defying flowers. Who wouldn't want to wake up to that?

Beauty is. . . phone calls that include the phrase "we're barbecuing at the lake tonight, you coming?"


. . .and the phrase "I'm making rolkuchen."
. . . and finding a way to hug your wet, fresh out of the lake niece and still stay dry.
Beauty is. . . .road-tripping up to Gardom Lake to see Amanda. And learning a new un-winnable card game. And then winning said game on the third try. (Funny, no one else was as excited about this as I was.)

Beauty is. . .loving someone enough to do their camp laundry and having great people to share the experience with.
Beauty is . . . a cold lake on a hot day and time to go swimming. This lake had an inflatable iceburg for climbing and even a pirate ship (sadly just out of the range of this photo.)

Beauty is. . . making it to the top of the iceburg and finding that even way up here, there's love too.(I don't know why I have so few pics of Amanda from our Gardom Lake Odyssey. We'll have to fix that when Amanda gets home in a few weeks.) All in all, it's been a pretty stellar summer so far. Dave & Janie & Corrina land in Abby tomorrow so amazingly enough, the summer is about to get even better. A thing of beauty, these joys mine, forever.

american idols live! tour 2009

Guess who got tickets to the American Idols Live! 2009 tour? After much last minute scrambling I got the good word from Kimu, "we're going to Idols!" GM Place was pretty packed when we got there. The upper bowl was sparsely populated but the rest of the room looked pretty close to capacity. We were in section 106, row one which put us practically on the floor with a handy shelf in the back of the hockey boards to hold our burgers and Cokes. We had a clear view of the stage sitting or standing, and perhaps best of all, we paid waaay less than the $92 price tag.
The Vancouver stop on this year’s American Idols Live! tour was my first time at an Idol concert. I’ve heard that the production values were much improved this year, and from what I saw I’d agree. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. Truthfully, I was just there to see Adam but I have to say that all of the idols did a great job and put on a very entertaining show.

Just before the opening the faces of the top 10 quickly flashed up on screen and when Adam’s pic was met with a deafening roar I had a pretty good idea what we were in for. (Adam, by far my fave, gets his own blog post here.)

The show opened, 15 minutes late, with Michael Sarver. At first I felt kind bad for him being in the opening slot (dangerously close to “opening act”) but he really surprised me. He exploded on to the stage with a smile the size of Texas, clearly thrilled to be there. He got the show of to a great start, got people on their feet and set the tone for the evening. Well done Michael.

Next up was Megan wearing what has to be the tightest dress I have ever seen. She looked some kind of superhero Barbie, but you have to hand it to the girl – she pulled it off and she looked stunning. I thought she picked perfect songs and she sounded much better in person than she did on the show. (And the “caw caw” as the lights when down was hilarious.)

Next up was Scott. He has scruff now and I caught myself spending more time wondering how he maintains it than actually listening. He sounded pretty much the same as on the show but was clearly having a great time. Surely there is an AM AC radio station in his future. (I thought the high collar shirt he came out in later was a great choice.)

Following Scott was Lil. Lil should find whoever picked her set and send them the best roses on the planet. I always felt that Lil just wilted during the competition but in person last night I saw what I had hoped to see on the show. Her confidence came back and it showed. Her shinning moment was a rousing sing-a-long version of “Single Ladies”. Whoever chose that song, in this format, is a genius. With the words on the screen behind her karaoke-style she was the first to really get the crowd on their feet. Everyone was singing and dancing.

Anoop followed and I found my mind wandering a little during his set. For his second song he put on this HUGE pair of glasses and I can only hope that there is some subtle nerd/ southern BBQ inside joke that I’m missing and the real Anoop fans understood what was going on. As others have said “My Perogative” should probably be locked back in the vault, but he did it justice and he was having so much fun you just got swept up in it.

In the First Act pimp spot was the lovely Matt Giraud. He really surprised me. I had heard that he was doing “Georgia” and was looking forward to it. I had no idea just how good it was going to be. Matt took his time with it and it felt like a perfect date with someone you’re really comfortable with – smooth and soft and sexy. For the very first (and probably last) time in my life, I found myself wishing I’d been hangin around hotel lobbies in Kalamazoo a year ago. I could have listened to him play for a long, long time. There were two other songs in his set but I kind of missed them. I still had “Georgia” on my mind.

Just before intermission were two group numbers featuring the top 6 which I skipped in favor of beating the intermission line at the ladies’. There was no way I was going to miss Adam and sacrifices had to be made. After listening to the same two videos all through intermission (Carrie Underwood does have more than ONE song, right?) it was back on with the show.

Allison Iraheta kinda came out of nowhere. One minute it was intermission, then the lights went down for a split second and suddenly there she was on stage. She got the loudest cheers of the night up to that point. She sang the heck out of Pink’s “So What” and got the crowd back up on their feet. She looked so comfortable up on stage. Her hair is wavy now, and longer and in addition to the red there’s pink and blue. I don’t know if Adam’s hairstylist was behind this makeover too but it totally worked for her. Allison looked like she had been doing stadium shows her whole life. Her set was over far too quickly but I took heart knowing she’d been coming back for “Slow Ride”.

After Allison came Danny Gokey, at which point my brain kindof shorted out thinking “four songs, just four songs til Adam”. I am not a Gokey fan, at all, so it’s really hard for me to comment on his set. He did get huge cheers from the crowd and a lot of people started dancing again during “P.Y.T.” He took his jacket off part way through “Maria, Maria”. I’m really not sure why. Between “What Hurts the Most” – a song that is impossible to listen to without thinking of his wife – and “My Wish” he launched into some banter that skated pretty close to Saturday-night-church-retreat preaching territory. I had to look around to see if there was a cross or a dove I missed on the way in. But before too long, he was done and it was time for Adam. Church was over.

As the light’s faded on Danny Gokey you could almost hear the room take a collective breath as we all thought the same thing, “Adam’s coming”. The screaming for Adam started even before the screens lit up and it just got louder and louder. It far surpassed anything else we’d hear that night.

And then, there he was, leather tails swinging on his custom-studded jacket. The roars found a new decibel level but he wasn’t done us yet. Adam reached out a hand to the audience, waggled his fingers and mouthed the word “more”. At this point the screaming was so loud it started to sound like rushing wind in my ears. Adam hooked a finger behind his ear, an open request that surely he could have a just little more. We gave him all we had and with the satisfied smile of a man who just got exactly what he wanted, Adam opened his mouth and started to sing.

I have to agree with Anastacia, the man really is a human slinky. The videos do not do it justice. He moves in ways I’m not sure I’m supposed to know about. Whichever way he was sliding, he took the room with him. The entire crowd was in its feet and stayed there for the whole set. No one got a response like Adam.

He brought Allison out for “Slow Ride” – “here’s Allison Iraheta in a wardrobe change!” and clearly, they are still having fun singing that song together. When the pink bra landed on stage, Adam took it in stride. Mid-song he reached down for it, displayed it to the audience on one finger, whipped it around a couple of times and launched it into the crowd. He never broke stride, never missed a beat, just kept right on singing. It was just all part of the show. Shortly after another item of intimate apparel landed on stage, Adam sang the lyric “slow down” and seemed to pointedly aim his “slow down” gesture at a certain section of the front row. I have to hope the underwear thing doesn’t take off. Who would have expected us nice, polite Canadians to throw the first bra? The rest of his set was magnificent. To borrow a word from Mia Michaels, it was “gourgeois”.

After Adam left us all breathless, Kris came on stage and it must be said people cheered really loudly for him too. They dropped a curtain in behind him to shrink the stage a bit and he did a fantastic job on “Heartless”, the much maligned “No Boundaries” and the rest of his set. I almost felt bad for Kris closing out the show. I think Kris is incredibly talented but no matter how good you are, Adam is the definition of a tough act to follow. But you have to give Kris credit. His set was completely different and totally him. It was as if he got up there and said, “Yeah, Adam does his thing really well. But I do this.” The crowd loved him.

Far too soon the Idols were joining Kris on stage for the na-na-nas and rounding out the evening with “Don’t Stop Believing” (and world peace!) waving to the crowd as Scott and Matt dueled on pianos. (Sidenote, oh please. Matt could (and did) play circles around Scott.)

It was an awesome show and I am so glad that I went. Definitely worth the price of admission. (And even worth the price of this admission – that the people I work with now know what a fan I am. Let your freak flag fly.) I can’t wait for the albums to start coming out this Fall.

the Adam Lambert show

Today I am tired, my head is sore, my ears are still ringing and it was totally and completely worth it. Last night I went to the Vancouver show of American Idols Live! tour. The idols put on a great show. I think each one of them had a moment but the show was clearly Adam’s right from the get-go.

At the very beginning a the faces of the 10 quickly flashed up on screen and when Adam’s pic was met with a deafening roar I turned to Kim and said “prepare yourself”. They guy wasn’t even on stage yet and the crowd was with him.

Throughout the show there were times when the crowd got to their feet. There were the first few rows that never sat down, but when Adam took the stage, the world changed. As the light’s faded on Danny Gokey you could almost hear the room take a collective breath and we all thought the same thing, “he’s coming”. The screaming started even before the screens lit up and it just got louder and louder.

And then, there he was, leather tails swinging on his custom studded jacket. The roars found a new decibel but he wasn’t done us yet. Adam reached out to the audience, waggled his fingers and mouthed the word “more”. At this point the screaming was so loud it started to sound like rushing wind in my ears. Adam hooked a finger behind his ear, an open request that surely he could have a just little more. We gave him all we had and with the satisfied smile of a man who just got exactly what he wanted, Adam opened his mouth and started to sing.

First up was “Wanna Whole Lotta Love” (which I just realized today is not, in fact titled “What a whole lotta love”). I have to agree with Anastacia, the man really is a human slinky. The videos do not do it justice. He moves in ways I’m not sure I’m supposed to know about. Whichever way he was sliding, he took the room with him. The entire crowd was in its feet and stayed there.

“Starlight” followed and I put my camera away. Other people have much better pictures, I just wanted to revel in seeing him in person and not through a screen. It comes as no surprise, but he can really sing, and he can move and he knows his way around both a stage and a crowd. He had us all in the palm of his hand and he so knew it. And it was a thing of beauty to behold.

He brought Allison out for “Slow Ride” – “here’s Allison Iraheta in a wardrobe change!” and clearly, they are still having fun singing that song together. When the pink bra landed on stage, Adam didn’t even break stride. Mid-song he reached down for it, displayed it to the audience on one finger, whipped it around a couple of times and launched it into the crowd, and he never broke stride, never missed a beat, just kept right on singing. It was just all part of the show. Shortly after another item of intimate apparel landed on stage, Adam sang the lyric “slow down” and seemed to pointedly aim his “slow down” gesture at a certain section of the front row. I have to hope the underwear thing doesn’t take off. Who would have expected us nice, polite Canadians to throw the first bra?

The Bowie medley was insane and really, what more can be said about it that has not been said already? I almost felt bad for Kris closing out the show. I think Kris is incredibly talented but no matter how good you are, Adam is the definition of a tough act to follow. For me, I was just thrilled to be in the same room as him for a couple of hours. Totally worth the price of admission. I have a feeling that years from now I’ll remember this, the first time I saw him live.